The Second Coming…

Why are all the Angels white?

Yea I’m back in this bitch heralded by the beating of a thousand wings and trumpets. It’s currently 5:35am and before knocking out I wanted to pen something since I been here and there.

I’ve been neglecting The Stoop and as such, like in real life when a stoop is neglected it gets full of trash (spam) and smells sort of like a project elevator. I’m cleaning house as of now.

A long weekend and heatwave will give a muthafucka some time to think (in front of the AC) and in the interest of keeping one of the current trends in the music formerly known as Hip Hop alive, ex. Swagger Jacking. I’d like to present to you the “What The (blank) Has Taught Me Series”.  I see you Phuque… on the back of a milk carton. Today I will observe what the Music Industry has taught me…

Generally two types of people occupy the industry… Person A is known as The Scumbag.

The Scumbag is the self conscious prick who got in the game by stealing his best friends mail when he saw it came from Def Jam and applied for an internship in his place. He/She does whatever it takes to ensure that they land that oh so exclusive 60 grand a year job acting as A&R only to sign artists, if they have signing power, that will get shelved for 10 years before being dropped to make room for another shelf resident. Eventually Scumbags, having crossed everyone they came across unless they were a superior, will leave the label and start a boutique management firm.

Newsflash: A&R is dead.. Now of course this is a generalization… there are always exceptions to the rule.

Person 2 is the often seen on the scene and heard YES MAN!

This is the muthafucka you see noddin his head extra hard at the staff meeting when they drop that new wack as fuck single for the artist they just signed and spent 5k on a video for. His calling card consist of, “Yo That shit is HOT my dude”, “This is a definite banger” and the Yes Man staple “They Gonna Go Crazy For This One!”. Yes men get in the building because they tend to use that head nodding ability for more than just faking their way through staff meetings. Yes Men take the concept of ass kissing to a whole new level, often giving their supervisors a colonic before lunch daily. Yes Men are typically expendable and almost always attach themselves to the Belly of a Scumbag Like a Sea Lamprey attaches itself to the belly of a shark. They will be the “minority partner/assistant” in the “new forward thinking boutique management firm” The Scumbag will eventually start.

Something else the industry taught me is When in doubt… Sell Out. The most recent case of WIDSO I have seen in recent history was by the Brooklyn Rapper Maino. Maino came on to the scene with a compelling story of knockin the shit outta Little Cease, and having rappers robbed and talking about it on video. He then dropped a few songs that felt like… Brooklyn might have a cat that can keep shit authentic while making good music. Two standouts in my opinion are… My life is a movie and Imma be me.. Both good tracks. Then he has his first major single and it is the auditory shit storm “Hi Hater” which not only deviated from what he was spittin since he came on the scene, but managed to alienate his core audience in an effort to gain favor with the ever fickle teeny bopper crowd. Hi Hater? I thought you’d smack the shit out of a hater. With any luck He’ll be the next Mims… Though This is Why I’m Hot was a much bigger record. No discredit to Maino, I mean he is from BK and I can’t judge my fellow Brooklyn cats too harshly, but he had way better options than what his electric guitar playing A&R left him with. Speaking of selling out this post was brought to you by Cam’Ron Giles.

And Finally.. The industry taught me that Crabs in a Bucket isn’t descriptive enough when it comes to describing the mentality of most people who spend too much time in this shit without seeing fruit born from their labor. Douche Bags in a Dixie Cup seems a better fit. If you subscribe to the notion Each One Teach One… then this industry might not be for you being how everyone you do a solid, look out for and hold down.. will only try to figure out ways to stab you in the back and then throw salt in the wound… Think of a really dramatic reality show, because these muthafuckas act like they are on camera so much, some of em even have their mans n dem follow em around with a lil handy cam.

Here is a story to illustrate what I mean. NYC rapper who is currently signed was at one point unsigned. At said point NYC rapper wanted shine in a regional magazine who’s EIC kept shutting him down. Contributing Editor, who got paid on a per article basis suggests said Rapper for a piece. Said writer says they will write piece for said rapper “on the strength” because they are really feeling said music. Said rapper and said rappers manager call said writer daily to see whats poppin with said article. It runs in the next issue. Said rapper and artist stop calling and taking calls. Said writer had access to 3 more magazines, one of which was a major publication, but said “fuck this shit”. If you can surmise who the rapper and writer are.. hit em up to confirm this story is 97.1% fact.

What alot of people fail to realize is… there are strength in numbers and getting your network up can get your net worth up, but the spirit of aggressive competition and all that bullshit got everyone so twisted out, indie artists now shit one one another thinking they represent the industry when in some twisted way they represent a microcosm of all the shit that is wrong with it.

For The Record… all the real music men, meaning people who didn’t just go on myspace or youtube to find talent, but sought out, cultivated and nurtured talent from the ground up to the top of the charts have died a long time ago. Now these blackberry bandits play the bar at these swanky costly industry parties ice grilling each other not even paying attention to the showcase they are there to see.

The industry taught me a bit more… but this is enough to get The Stoop back in order.

Next time I examine what Blogging in a collective has taught me..

Holla at the comment section.